Pains

I am feeling kinda down today...I don't get it sometimes.  I have tried to do the right thing most of my life.  I have blown it so many times...I am really pissed off at myself.  I think I have friends and family, but they don't have time for me.  They whine and cry over their petty little lives, how rough they have it.  God they don't even appreciate the things they have.  I am\ so sick and tired of the all the bullshit.

I know right now I am being just as petty. but since this is my blog to put down my feelings so be it.  I get angry, upset and cannot handle the things that I have to deal with.  My Ex is a fucking lunatic, my sister is a cry baby, my nieces are morons.  My son is an ungrateful bastard, and my daughter a complainer.  Do they appreciate what they have......

I see the beauty in life, the trees, flowers, the rain, snow, and even the heat of the sun.  I am grateful for my little apartment.  I have my dogs, my health, my life.

But honestly, some days, its not enough.  I want to live, travel, be free, do what I please.  I am stuck in this little apartment.  I wish I had my car.  I wish I had any car.  I hate being dependent on someone
else...Don't.get me wrong, the car I use is very nice...but its not mine, I can't go where I want or do what I want.  I hate this...I hate all this.

I wanted to become independent, not stuck. I wanted to be free. I feel like I am in a gilded cage. Do I appreciate what I have....

I guess each of us are in need to more appreciation.  We need to accept the situation we have put ourselves in, or change it.  I for one would very much like to change it.  I do want to be free, more independent.  So, I better find a way to get a car...I like the idea of just going to the mall for no reason, or going for a drive, or doing things on my own schedule.  I am trying to find a way.  I will have to finance the car, insure it, gas, maintain it...This is not so cheap anymore.  But I want it darnit. I shall have it, oh yes I will.

I probably ask for more than I should have....but that's my right isn't it...

Fooey!!