Just in Spite

I think it is time for a bit of bitching and moaning.  I try things out a lot of times to see if I might like them.  I tried twitter, to confusing, Blog spot on a competitor, too dumb.  I also try things on Facebook, no success.  I am the worst at a lot of stuff I try.  So today I am whining to get my frustration out.  I mean I join other stuff, support those who need it.

But, my time and effort is never supported, barely even looked at.  Grrrrrr.  I think I should give up already.  I am doing well on Face book though.  I have a few friends and get a lot of texts.  I feel pretty good about that. I "borrow" a few pictures, ok I kidnap them.

I think I must be too sensitive, a bit pushy and a lot ungrateful.

I wish it were easy, everything worked exactly as I wanted.  But in this life, things are never perfect.  But, surely I could win just one..right?

I guess this is a short blog tonight.  More next time.

San Diego

I used to live in San Diego, it was near the Pacific Ocean.  Now I live in Provo, Utah, but this blog is about the Pacific Coast.  I lived in California for many many years.  I loved going to the Coast.  I have been to Malibu all the way up to San Refael.  I have enjoyed every inch of it.

When I lived in San Diego, I used to go to an area called Iroquois Point. It was a stretch of beach just north of Mexico.  It was a sandy beach, I enjoyed.  I watched the waves, had a picnic and walked along its route with my new husband, David.

Later, when we moved to Riverdale, we would go to Cambria, and stay with my in-laws in their trailer.  Again, we were at the beach, where we watched sea otters play and eat.  One time we saw a mother otter with her young one on her tummy.  We saw elephant seals, harber seals, and so much more.  I climbed some rocks and Dave snapped my picture.  After a while we brought our kids along.  They seemed to love it as much as I do.

I have been to Big Sur, which is almost a wilderness as it is remote and hard to get to by car.  Its road is so twisty that its like a ride in Disneyland.  Then, when you finally get there, its so quiet and peaceful.  The air is fresh, the trees lovely.  It rains, and that freshens everything.  I was blown away by the sheer cliffs, the water, and the trees.  There is a little trail that went along a small river.  I saw deer tracks, and the animals themselves.  I saw wild turkeys.

I also have been to Carmel and Monterrey...both incredible cities.  From the tiny magical cottages in Carmel and the canneries of Monterrey are charming.  I gathered rocks and shells from their beaches.  I shopped and ate in quaint restaurants. I stood and saw the Lone Cypress. I even drove the 17 mile drive and watched golfers at play, on the three courses..

One of my favorite places to see the Ocean was in San Francisco.  I went to the park there.  I watched ships and animals along its beaches.  I went to pier 39, to the zoo, and the oceanarium, the conservatory, and so many of the other places.  I touched the glass in the oceanarium and saw so many kind of fish.  I went to Haight and Ashbury streets, walked the grounds of the Universtty Hospital.

If you have not guessed by now, I love the ocean, and I miss it....Not much ocean on Provo. Ta Ta for now.

Birth and childhood

I wanted to talk a wee bit about me, who I am.  I was born December 10, 1952, yes a long time ago now. It was at Fairchild AFB in Spokane co. Washington  But for me, it does not seem so long.  I will be 60 on the next birthday.  I can remember as early as 3 or 4 seeing my mom doing laundry, she actually hung her clothes outside.  My two sisters would be out side with her in a large basket.  I remember her putting up sheets and jeans...I remember going for walks on rocks so hot they would burn my feet, and I would cry.

Later, I remember living in Vallejo, California, there was a little ridge in my back yard.  I would climb to the top of it as if I were climbing Mt Everest.  There was a large open field up there.  All of my brothers and sisters and I would use our imaginations and have so much fun there.  We even climbed the ridge to get to school, instead of going all the way around the big block we lived on. One time I sprained my ankle while trying to climb the ridge, it hurt so bad. My mom wrapped up and in a few days it was better.

The school there was called Beverly Hills Elementary, and when we moved to California the kids were jealous.  They thought I went to Beverly Hills in California. I kinda liked it though, because in some ways it made me popular, maybe I was a showbiz kid instead of an air force brat. I remember I went to 3 different schools that year, I was in third grade. 

I went to 4th and 5th grades there.  I started 6th grade in Vacaville, California.  I went to Willis Jepson Jr High School, I felt like a big kid there, I did not have to be in elementary anymore.  I was never a very good student, barely getting by.  I hated school work.  I stayed up many a night trying to fathom what the teacher had said and how to do the math. I struggled with English too, the nouns, verbs, what punctuation went where.

I started 9th grade at Vacaville High School. I walked everywhere in Vacaville, went downtown, to the movies, to the shops, everywhere all by myself. It was a safe place there.  No-one was stealing kids, we had fun.  There were no dangerous parts of town that I recall.  There was this one little store I used to go to when I had extra money.  They sold these tiny animals there.  I would buy a set for my mom every few weeks or so. Dogs, cats, horses, pretty little ceramic gems.

Later that same year, we moved again.  This time to Riverdale, California, near Fresno.  It was the first time I was exposed to bad kids, or maybe I just then noticed. I found the area ugly.  I hated the town and its clickish way.  I was an outsider and I could feel it. I bore with the behavior of the other students, but I was just a Freshman, 9th grader.  Things began to change, slowly I gained some friends, real special friends.  They called one groups nerds (bookish students), and the other the brainy kids (although some were dumber than rocks).  I gained friends in each group.  I did not mind being called a nerd, it was like a badge.  I did not mind that the smart kids liked me either.  I fit in finally.

I enjoyed school after tenth grade, I still was not good in Math, or English.  I took Art, Home Ec. Geography, and several subjects I was actually good at.  Riverdale is a small town, still relatively safe.  I knew there were some mean kids though.  It was the first time I was exposed to "black" kids.  I had seen blacks in the other schools I had gone to, but maybe one or two.  I was amazed at so many.  Ok I realized that sounds racist, but it is true.

I became friends with kids of all races...I love them all equally.  I would converse with them like we had known them forever.  However, some of the younger kids, the brothers and sisters to my friends were mean.  They had little respect or tolerance for other races.  I did not like them so much.  I fear if I had known them first, I would not be tolerant of other races either, so I sympathize with them.

I finally made it through.  I finally got my diploma in 1971....Then on to Jr. College...more of that next time.

Poochies

Anyone who knows me will tell you all I love Dachshunds.  I have owned one of these little darlings most of my adult life.  At one time I owned 4 at once.  Now I own just two, but one of those two is actually my daughter's dog.  My dog is Maxwell, aka Macky; and Jenny's dog is Baylee, aka Peanut. I have a special affinity for dogs, I feel like of all animals, they show the most love and affection.

I have never found another human who will love unconditionally like a dog.  They are remarkable, warm, silly, sweet and just a tad dangerous.  I find I can be myself and not pretend anything.  I don't care if the animal kisses me. I am no germ maniac. I realize that dogs can get terrific di
seases, rabies, cancer, degenerative disc disease, and so on.  But, I also know that with proper care, we can prevent a lot of what will hurt your dog.

I just want people to understand that a pet will calm you, soothe you, make life so much more wonderful.  I am especcially thankful for my little ones.  I have a mental illness, they keep me calm, and more sane.  I stroke their soft coat and feel comforted. I don't get as depressed, or as manical. I am on a more even keel.

I have had to learn patience.  I have learned to protect them, walk them, feed them....They are so like a small child.  You can spoil them, teach them, and learn from them.

I pray that we as a people will learn to protect animals.  I am saddened when I read about animal abuse.  What has a dog or cat ever done that would invite the pain and misery we sometimes inflict on  them? I have heard about a dog being dragged by its owner, because the animal did not know how to walk on a leash.  I saw a program where a man literally threw his cat out a 3rd story window, because it meowed. I have seen countless stories of animals being abandened by their owners, or left in sad conditions.  Puppy mills where the poor females are bred time after time until they are sick or dead.  So much pain, so much hatred.

Shelters are full of sad and neglected animals.  Some are killed because the abuse was so severe the animal is unable to be trusted.  What a crying shame. I am a bonafied sissy when it comes to harm or deliberate injury to animals, I cry to see them hurt.

I am done with my soap box, will write more later.

who am I

Sometimes I think life is an egg, tough around the edges, but very delicate inside.  I wish that I had the courage I needed to really take on the world and make it my own.  I am a runner, anything gets hard, I run away.  I hate confrontation, hate to fight.  And yet I struggle every day to keep from being run over.

Ok, I guess I should explain. I have, all my life, tried different things to make life as easy on myself as I could.  Mad schemes, stupid ventures, odd jobs, even some serious jobs.  For instance, I worked for the IRS.  I liked the job, but I have a lousy memory.  What I learned on Monday, I forgot by Tuesday. Or perhaps my temper got in the way.  I just could not do a good enough job at keeping a job. I never felt like I was good enough.  I had several people tell me so, I began to believe it myself.  

I always started out with good intentions, only to fail as I lost confidence in myself. I tried get rich schemes, but I just lost money at them.  I would lose interest, I finally just did not care. But then I would try again, same results.....time after time.

Basically, sometimes, I feel like a loser. I was lousy in school, barely passed.  I am not sure because I was never diagnosed, I may have ADHD....I just could not concentrate.  I would get so bored, I hated school. I hated teachers.  I hated having to do anything, any type of school work. I even got so angry at a teacher once, I literally tried to throw a chair at her.  I was messy, my desk was a disaster area.  Papers stuffed inside until the desk would hardly hold it.  Never could find my homework, even if I bothered to do it.

I found one thing I enjoyed, Art. I would draw, I am not good at it, but I would do it instead of Math or English.  I doodled, drew maps, made pictures.  Non of it very good, but infinitely more fun then school work.

The only other thing I am really good at....spending money.  My first husband and I were in debt to the tune of 35,000 dollars at one point.  I was amazed he did not toss me out on my behind.  We filed for bankruptcy of course.  I lied and tried to hide the bills.  I was a mess, it was a hard lesson to learn.  Still I can spend money like no-bodies business. I went through a 300,000 dollar life insurance policy in 18 months...that was supposed to last me my whole life......

Well, I need more to write about later, so this is it for today.